I am sitting here, for the 3rd day, held captive by the last gasp of the monster winter storm that did a fly-by over the weekend. While me and the dog have been languishing in our privilege of heat and shelter, with no power interruptions during the storm, another peaceful observer of protests against ICE in Minneapolis has lost his life. The perpetrators have attempted to control the narrative, claiming the victim aggressed upon them, brandishing a firearm. Nyet, nope, nah. Numerous videos disprove that entirely, showing the now-dead man attempting to assist a woman who’d been pushed to the ground by so-called agents of Border Patrol. The only thing he was brandishing was a cell phone, but they nonetheless mobbed him to the ground, disarmed his legally carried and unexposed firearm, and shot him several times while he was pinned down. This is murder by any stretch of the imagination, but the wheels are grinding to absolve anyone involved of accountability. I cannot sort out my emotions on this, nor on the similar cases of Renee’ Good, Keith Porter, and others who posed no threat to agents going about the business of implementing an illegal mission.
Accountability is a cloudy thing when there’s an imbalance of power to begin with. If the accused is systemically protected by class privilege, or is cloaked in the mantle of authority, those directly impacted by their actions are likely to see nothing even close to justice. Many blame the current executive branch administration of the United States for this, but in all honesty, this has been an issue from the earliest days of the nation. While current times are full of blatant and documented disregard for the Constitution, the rule of law, public ethics, and common decency unearned privilege has long been an impediment to accountability.
Many are questioning the pubic response to recent high-profile cases of rampant disregard for the most basic standards of equity; would public outcry over the murder of Renee’ Good be lessened if she were a woman of color, or not a mother? Even asking such a question presents a visceral reaction, because we are tired of having to ask this question. Too often, the answer is what so many people of color have come to expect.
When George Floyd was murdered, there was tremendous pubic outcry, large protests and demonstrations, and finally conviction of the police officer who knelt on the victim’s neck for several minutes and caused his death. In the wake of this came more deaths of unarmed men of color at the hands of law enforcement. Those responsible for these deaths were mostly white officers, although one of the more heinous murders, in Georgia, was perpetrated by a group of Black officers. The common denominator in all of these murders, however, regardless of the ethnicity or race of the killer(s), is the training philosophy and systemic infrastructure. Privilege is inherent to that system, which is derived from slave codes that presume guilt before innocence of Black or Brown bodies. That basic premise has evolved to the assumption that an officer is “in fear for his/her life” whenever interacting with a resistant “suspect”.
The root cause of such inequity is, of course, racism. In some cases, it is overt but more often than not, the causal factor is covert. We are wired for racism, and our endorphins go wild when privilege becomes a factor. Toddlers on a playground enjoy being top of the heap, the winner of the most marbles, the most high. That’s a simple matter of dominance, as dictated by the inclusion of homo sapiens in the kingdom of animals. We are built to survive, and our chances of survival are inherently comprehended to be greater if we express dominance.
Dominance instructs us to win at all costs, although our human brains have begun to differentiate the merits of “all costs”. In some cases, the human brain can deliberate, wait for reward, see a bigger picture than immediate gratification. But, it’s not our natural or instinctual response. Our natural response is “I want what I want, and I want it now, and if you’re in my way I will do whatever it takes to get past you.” When there is more thought, or patience in achieving victory, some of us cannot understand the delayed response. We see that as weakness, lack of grit, assurance of loss. Perhaps we need the benefit of further evolutionary change.
How do we blend humanity and compassion with the “win at all costs” mentality? Is that even possible? Psychics and channelers say there is a pending split of dimensionality, and some of us will not make the journey. They say we’ve been in the 3rd dimension, whatever that means, far too long and our species is attempting to progress to the 5th dimension. Depending on whose thoughts you happen upon, the 4th dimension is kind of hazy. Regardless, it does seem as though our decision point these days is less cognitive than spiritual. Many of us have what I have seen described as “spiritual blindness”, or the ability to not see the ultimate impact of our actions. In many ways, that simply means self-absorption.
I suppose the “how” of change in our case will be the result of intentionality because we have free will. Some have postulated that free will has been somewhat of an experiment in the cosmos, making Earth somewhat of a lower vibrational entity. That would seem to make sense, although my human mind cannot imagine the alternative to free will. Would there still be “will”, but not “free will”? How would that work? Would you simply be compelled to do the next right thing whether you wanted to or not, or would that be the only possible action you could take? That’s painful to contemplate.
So, because I have free will, I get to choose whether or not I want to move along the trajectory of raising my vibration. I don’t have to, I suppose, but somewhere in my experience I seem to have accepted the fact that higher vibration is a good thing. I’m not entirely sure of the evidence for that, but it somehow feels correct. Of course, I could be a victim of the materialistic “more is better” mentality, but I’m not sure it matters. My gut feeling is that I can accomplish more of what I want to do with a higher vibration. There’s risk, however, and that’s what makes it a bit frightening.
I can talk about risk for a second, because it’s a pithy subject. What is the risk of progress, of raising vibrational level, of changing status or class or status quo? I suppose the risk is…what if I’m wrong, and I run into the wall. Do I lose my pervious gains? Do I forfeit everything I have to begin again, from the beginning? That’s the fear, I suppose, that I will lose what I have. That’s formidable, and frightening. Because we’re materialistic, my animal brain says I need to keep what I have, because it’s mine and I need it. I need my “stuff”to survive, and the more “stuff I have the better I can survive. Right?
Well, maybe that’s true, but maybe it’s not. Some believe we can manifest whatever we need, and simply have to match vibration with whatever is desired. Hmmm. I want to win the lottery, so does that mean I have toknow the vibration of the game? My brain says it is not that simple. Somewhere along the line of my life, I have taken on lessons that give all kinds of reasons why it’s not such an easy thing. Most of those reasons end with the word “fear”, I suppose, but some involve words like, “can’t” and “deserve”. When I was a member of the Catholic Church, what I learned was that I could achieve things like success and prosperity if it was the will of God that I have such things. In my experience, it seemed like God did not will me to have much of anything…just enough to get by, just enough to be somewhat respectable, just enough to show others that I was a hard worker and was reaping the rewards of being such. At some point, I believe I started to feel the rewards involved being unhappy, and that was as good as it got. Besides, everyone was essentially unhappy so stop complaining.
Now, there’s an interesting point. Is happiness part of the expectation for living? I suppose I never thought about it much, and didn’t allow it to enter my considerations for what trail to follow, what move to make. Over these last few years, I’ve begun to realize that I have no idea what happiness is. I suppose I’ve not felt it long enough to recognize it, or to modify my goals to include that outcome. My outcomes have always been about survival, and responsibility, obligation, expectation. Happiness rarely entered, at least not on a heart-centered level. Writing that makes me sad.
So, what am I to do with my entirely human brain, and my lower vibrational level? I wish there was a switch I could simply flip to make the changes I want to make, instantly. But, alas, there is not. That is probably the sentiment of a low vibration, but what do I know? I don’t know much, but I feel a lot. I don’t know much, but I think a lot. I don’t know much, but I wonder a lot. An old minister friend of mine used to say that to know myself at a higher level, I needed to be aware of what gives me awe and wonder. Sometimes, I think everything gives me wonder. I look at random things and wonder how in the hell does that work, or how does that even exist. Sometimes that’s about people as well. I look at some of my friends and acquaintances who are good at things I’m not, who are talented in ways that I’m not, who move with grace and wisdom that cause me to catch my breath. How can someone be a math major and just know how numbers work? How can someone open their mouth and sing with a pleasing tone, correct pitch, and melodic vibrato without breaking a sweat? How can a dog know when someone is going to have a seizure? I suppose I must just accept there are more things in this world that I will never understand, but which give me wonder and, sometimes, awe.
The last question of this rambling for today may be whether or not I have awe and wonder relative to myself. That’s a tough one, because I mostly think I’m just mediocre at most anything I attempt. I play music at a dangerously mediocre level. Some people tell me that I’m a good writer, but I don’t believe I’m all that much of a big deal, at least not a publishable one. I would love to be published, but I would also love to win the lottery (national Powerball, thank you very much). If I am merely mediocre, is that a bad thing? I suppose I’ve always wanted to be significantly better than mediocre at something, but maybe that’s just my ego. Admitting that I don’t know is frustrating but…I don’t know. Famous last words.
The Sound Hole 